Eggman Grand Prix
by Witch Knight Daisy
Summary: Dr. Eggman hosts a grand prix calling all racers from different worlds! Thirteen racers duke it out for the cup! Crossover with Rise of the Guardians, Mario, Tintin, Ratatouille, and Despicable Me! Racing mayhem ensues! Feel Free to Review! Rated T for language.


**Hi, everyone! This fic came to mind a while ago. No plot involved, just humor. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Wreck-It Ralph, Rise of the Guardians, Tintin, Ratatouille, Sonic, Mario, or Despicable Me!**

**Eggman Grand Prix**

**Introducing the Racers!**

Bowser Jr.: Hello, ladies and non-ladies! Welcome to the Eggman Grand Prix! I'm Bowser Jr., your announcer for this race, and hope you all enjoy some race action! But first, let me introduce our host, Dr. Eggman!

Eggman (appears from the ceiling of Final Fortress in his Egg Pod): Greetings, fools! And may I thank you for tuning into this pleasant event! Thirteen victims...er, racers shall battle it out in four explosive rounds. They'll be starting through the castle grounds of Mushroom Kingdom, speed through the sickly-sweet terrain of Sugar Rush, fly through the hustle and bustle of Bagghar, and finally decide the victor in Final Fortress, where I'll crown one lucky racer and make them richer (maybe)! Now let's meet our contestants!

(A curtain reveals thirteen racers)

Eggman: Our first contestant is...Remy! And the fat brown rat behind him!

Emile: Hey...

Remy (climbing into the Cheese Grater): Don't sweat it, Emile. We have Linguini, Dad, and the rat clan for us!

Gusteau (appearing near Remy): As well as me.

Remy: Um...yeah.

Django (from the stands): Come on, Son!

Linguini: Go, Little Chef!

Eggman: Next...Colette Tatou!

Colette (knives in hand as she mounts her motorcycle): You'll see that I'm the toughest cook in the kitchen...and racing!

Linguini: Now I don't know who to go for.

Eggman: Jack Frost!

(Jack flies to the start line on his staff, winking to his fellow Guardians, namely Tooth and her fairies)

Tooth: Come on, Jack! You can do this!

Eggman: Next, Bunnymund!

Bunny (hops between Jack and Colette): This'll be easy, mate! (he smirks at Jack) I'll leave you in the dust!

Jack (chuckles): Yeah, yeah.

North: Let's hope they don't kill each other out there.

(Sandy shrugs at this, holding one flag for Bunny and another for Jack)

Eggman: Next up, Tintin!

Tintin (pulling up to the start line on his motorcycle): Let's go, Snowy!

Snowy: Wooah!

Thompson: Stiff competition, eh, Thomson?

Thomson: Quite right. Not counting on the kangaroo or the rat to win, though.

Bunny (agitated): I'm a bunny!

Thomson: Okay, okay, man!

Eggman: Captain Haddock!

Haddock: Aye, I can take of some of these troglodytes even while I'm sober! (He drives up in a kart-like version of the _Karaboudjan_, then he notices Tintin). Lad, I hope you're ready to see what this old sea dog's capable of!

Tintin: I look forward to it, Captain!

Thompson: My money's on Tintin!

Thomson: I'll bet on the Captain! And he'll surely win!

Thompson: Really, man!

Eggman: Next is Sakharine!

Sakharine: This is just wonderful! Getting revenge on Haddock shouldn't be a problem! (He pulls up between the Captain and the reporter in an elegant-looking car).

Haddock: It'll be anything but wonderful, Rackham!

Eggman: Next is Gru!

Gru (speeding up in a large, truck-sized ship): You all will face the wrath of Gru!

(The yellow Minions in the stands cheer)

Margo: Come on, Dad!

Edith: Beat that kangaroo! And the rats! And that ugly pirate guy!

Agnes: I hope the prize is a unicorn!

Dr. Nefario: Don't get destroyed out there!

Gru's mom: Ah, I wouldn't count on that!

Eggman: Next is Vector!

Vector (flies up in his V-shaped cruiser): Oh yeah! Hope you're ready, Gru!

Gru: You'll be the one to face my wrath!

(The yellow minions boo and hiss at Vector)

Eggman: Number ten is Vanellope von Schweetz!

Vanellope: Watch me, Ralph! I'm gonna win! (She pulls her kart up to the line.)

Ralph: Get 'em kid! (The Sugar Rush racers around him cheer)

Eggman: Next contestant is Fix-It Felix!

Calhoun: Fix-It, you'd better win!

Gene: I tried to stop him from entering... (sighs) He doesn't even know how to drive let alone control that thing.

Felix (erractically speeds into the starting position in his blue hammer-adorned kart, accidentally bumping into Remy's kart): Sorry...

Remy (scowls): Excuse you!

Ralph: I hope Felix doesn't kill himself out there.

Eggman: Next up is Taffyta!

Taffyta: Stay sweet, everyone! (hops into her pink, peppermint-adorned kart)

(The other Sugar Rush racers let out another cheer, except Candlehead and Rancis)

Rancis: Okay, now I don't know who to cheer for.

Candlehead: How about I cheer for Vanellope and you for Taffyta. Then we'll switch.

Rancis: That sounds good.

Thompson: No point in that. Tintin will surely win.

Thomson: Really, Thompson! It's the Captain who'll win! I have money on it to prove it!

Rancis: No, it'll be Taffyta!

Candlehead: Can we join in?

Thompson: Aren't you two a little young to be betting money?

Rancis: Oh come on. It should be fun.

Candlehead: Yeah, once Vanellope wins.

Thomson: Really, children!

Eggman: And last but certainly not least, our last racer...King Candy! Or Turbo...or whatever! He's here!

King Candy/Turbo (as the former and laughs somewhat maniacally as he mounts his white kart adorned with a crown): This should be fun! (Then he notices Vanellope and Felix as he drives up to the line)

(Everyone in the stands, especially the Sugar Rush residents, starts booing and hissing, throwing objects at the tyrant)

Candy/Turbo: Boo and hiss all you want! Once I win, hoo, hoo, I'll be back on top and you'll be at my feet!

Taffyta: What in the hell is he doing here?

Candy/Turbo: What does it look like? I'm here to win! (Then turns on Felix and Vanellope) And you'd better get ready, glitch! (glitching to Turbo for a second) And you too, Fix-It. Lucky for me, you should be easy!

Vanellope: Oh, I'm ready!

Felix: So am I, gosh darn it! _If my kart listens to me, that is._

Calhoun: Don't let that asshole intimidate you, Fix-It!

Ralph: That's right!

Eggman: Okay, okay, that's enough! Now for the rules, which there aren't any! But there is one: each round the last three racers are eliminated. And as for how to get an edge over your foes, do your worst!

Sakharine: Oh, I plan to. And I'm starting with Haddock.

Eggman: That being said, time for the first round in Mushroom Kingdom!

**Hope everyone's looking forward to speedway action in the next chapter! Read and Review if you do! I love hearing your opinions! If you have any ideas to add on to the upcoming racing mayhem, just review and/or PM me! Hope you all will enjoy this fic!**


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